Walk this Way – Part 3: Music’s Best & Worst Fashion Trends

By Anna Zerkidou

Whether we like it or not, we shamelessly assess every musician’s accessories. Some of us may even take it a step further, and incorporate a part of their outfit into our own. This can either be a good idea, a good idea copied by everybody, or a tragic, idiotic endevor. Let’s have a look at some wardrobe ”items” that have spread, for better and for worse from the stage into the world of fashion.

1. Headbands

MGMT stopped wearing headbands a long time ago, but indie kids simply decided not to notice. Boys and girls still insist on placing them around their heads, not realizing how easily they can be turned in a murder weapon to be used against them. Headbands were and are everywhere, except the only place they should be by now: the trashcan.

2. Black is the new black

What do Jay-Z and Glasvegas have in common? Their love of total black. Nothing will ever replace this color, no matter what the magazines may tell you. It doesn’t age and it doesn’t discriminate; the only problem is that it tends to fade out so we have to be on the lookout for constant replacements.

3. Facial hair

Beards and moustaches are not just beards and moustaches. They signify a new race created to fight metrosexuals. They are called retrosexuals, and they will take smooth-skinned prisoners. Boys let facial hair grow away, grow wild, and just grow. According to reports, the female population remains torn on the issue.

4. Converce All Stars

(photograph by XandriaNirvana)

One day someone decided that Converce All Stars should be fashionable again, and who better to advertise them than musicians. As a thought it’s not so bad, but what started as a marketing idea evolved into a stampede. They’re everywhere; watching us behind bushes, stepping on us at shows, kicking our shins. But that’s not even the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that they’re some of the most uncomfortable and short-lived shoes we’ve ever tortured our feet with.

5. Red Hair

Within the last years, red hair became the it thing in the music world. Florence, Jenny Lewis, A Fine Frenzy, and many more have waved their fiery hair and caused female envy and male delirium. Many were the girls that committed social suicide while trying to get that perfect hue of red that makes people wonder if they’re natural redheads or not. Fact remains, blondes have now been officially annihilated.

6. Nu-fluo

Nu-rave (gah!) is responsible for some good things, such as Klaxons. But it also can be charged for indirectly encouraging youth to go glow. Fluorescent underwear, glowsticks, bracelets, headbands, lipsticks, condoms, and so on. Basically, if you could put it on you, it most certainly would come in a fluo version. And if you would actually have sex with someone that’s sporting a condom that glows in the dark, you should be tazed into a phosphorescent oblivion.

7. Eyeliner

What started as a vamp thing, turned into a goth thing, and then rolled down the emo hill (south of Twilightville, if anyone’s interested) crying with joy. Gone are the days of the dark side of the eyeliner and its alluring qualities. Emo fans smudged their faces with it and killed a long-standing goth tradition, and for that alone they should be punished in a way that’s painful and yet not enjoyable.

8. Louis Vuitton bags

Simply put, they are the fashion equivalent of the The Emperor’s New Clothes. Can nobody see that they are just brown leather bags on which someone repeatedly threw up the Louis Vuitton logo???? And what do they have to do with hip hop?! Anyone???

9. Skinny jeans

Not only are they a cringing cliche of the indie world, but they also complicate everyday functions, such as bending over to pick up your coins, jumping over fences, dancing, and so on. Not to mention that their elastic side of things makes them loose color 3 times faster than regular jeans.

All that said, you just can’t get me out of mine. Seriously, you can’t, the whole operation requires two sets of hands and pliers.

10. Irony

”I was being ironic”; a generation’s excuse about everything from ridiculous hats to a flood of lumberjack shirts to gigantic glasses that don’t even have lenses to T-shirts with, you guessed it, ironic slogans. It is a thine line between ironic and moronic, and we are standing so far away from said line that we can’t even see it.

READ PART 2: MOG’s 5 Favorite Models Turned Musicians

READ PART 1: MOG’s 5 Favorite Musicians Turned Models

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